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Social media has a way of concealing aspects of us that are otherwise unapparent in daily life. Unless pertinent to disability awareness or advocacy, I don’t often talk about having a physical disability, mostly, because it’s not important in my self image. However, in an unexpected way, bringing this up in conversation with somebody over the phone, can be an immediate, revealing snapshot of their true colors. Unlike chronic illness, people take a much more aggressive stance about physical disability; they either acknowledge it and move on or they say something blatantly offensive. The latter is something I experienced in a phone conversation last night. I somehow suspected this person would fall into this category despite other indications of integrity and charm; there was just something not right. And then, there was something very not right when he projected offensive, immature and amoral commentary about cerebral palsy. And just like that, I knew I would not waste any more time getting to know him. Funny how one sentence can change everything.
And yet, in the seconds that lapsed between what he said and my brain scrambling to believe it, I tried to make excuses for him. Maybe I had misunderstood. Maybe this was some kind of inappropriate but well intentioned commentary. But then I knew. The fact that anybody would actually even think this way, is offensive and demoralizing. 
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Follow me @brianabeaver1

Guardians of Hope Awards


Our need-based financial awards have been designated to supporting individuals with chronic illness affected by the Camp Fire. The influx of applications we have been receiving from the local hospital and social workers indicate the gravity of need in Butte County. These heart-wrenching stories of the loss of shelter, resources for daily survival for populations already struggling with illness has mobilized us to take action! Because of the gifts made Guardians of Hope, we were able to disperse the first award to a retired Paradise Elementary school teacher this week (pictured.) After a stroke in 2015, she has been unable to continue working and is in immediate need of support to help make possible for her doctor appointments, fill prescriptions and replace accouterments after losing her home to the fire. We are honored to support her in these efforts and thank you for making it a profound difference!
NEW! You can now find GOH on Instagram @guardiansofhopeinc

Camp Fire Support 


Check out this video about Guardians of Hope from Jason Dragos ! We appreciate the partnership from HealthBeMe in facilitating the actualization of our mission. You can join in to support individuals with chronic illness who have been affected by the Camp Fire by making a donation today! All proceeds go directly to individuals in Butte County who need it most! Thank you for joining the Guardians of Hope Community! .

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https://www.gofundme.com/sunshine-in-your-pocket 

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Or click HERE to make a gift and make a difference in the lives of families right here in our beloved community.

The Cure

Cured. This is what every individual with a chronic illness wakes up and goes to bed striving to be. Over the course of my lifetime, no practitioner or doctor has ever discussed with me if I can reasonably look forward to a life without illness. Mostly, I believe now, the reason for this is because they were never able to figure out really what has been led to the degradation of my health in the first place. But this post isn’t about their past wrongs, it’s about now. Over the course of what was a very emotional appointment this weekend with my nutritionist, we talked about the present and the future. Honestly, Joshua is somebody that is so incredibly intelligent and intrinsically wise that I have a difficult time trying to describe him. I can say, however, when I dissolved into a tangent rant about humanity being cruel and how deeply this breaks me on a daily basis, he listened intently just as he always does, then validated my feelings. Our plan for the next month is to completely resolve any lingering parasitic beings and all remaining bacterial infections. 

Unfortunately, this isn’t going to be any easier than the past couple of months have been. He said there is no legitimate testing available at this point to conclusively assure us that the parasites and infections are gone. Is that the near future, I will be pursuing parasite testing from the most comprehensive analysis available. For now, we will be proceeding to a four week treatment that will give us undoubted reassurance of successful treatment after I make it through. We talked in great detail about the etiology of my problems, a conversation which I learned mind blowing information about health, the core of how disease starts and why so many of us have such a difficult role in healing. Wow. Just wow. Because my viral symptoms have re-emerged, he said this indicates the parasites are  almost completely, if not completely gone. When they are present, the viral infections are superseded and cannot gain the upper hand and demonstrate symptoms. In order to eradicate completely all of my viruses, we must first evict every parasite, egg, and larvae. We are nearly there.

 The best thing though, about this whole conversation is that he unequivocally believes I can be 100% healthy. 100%. Healthy. Cured. More beautiful words have never been spoken. And so, we keep going.

Let it Scream

Expressing sorrow, disappointment, and anger does not make somebody a negative person. The grieving process of a chronic illness is continuous and therefore, so is the overwhelming sensation of mourning. The purging of complex emotions associated with this life is NOT negative, and actually necessary to the healing process. The societal pressure to be positive is a reflection of our culture’s inability to deal with others’ suffering. To smooth over authentic and valid feelings of hurt is to provide an emotional Band-Aid for other people, not for yourself. So, whatever method each individual chooses to detox emotionally from chronic pain, isolation and devastation, should be honored and appreciated. For me, writing has and continues to provide a sense of completion for past traumas and current injustices. Whatever manifestation your voice for speaking your truths assumes, don’t be ashamed to let it scream.

An Open Letter to The Worst Man I’ve Loved

An open letter to the worst man I’ve ever loved:

As many hours and weary midnights I’ve spent castigating you for your moral failings, I’ve vaporized equal ridicule for myself. How could I have loved you? Even as the calendars change and the distance between our last goodbye grows, I’ve still hated myself for loving you. Whatever crimson flags frantically fluttered from your being, I either ignored or remained unseeing to them. Here is what I have learned in the past several years of reliving the trauma of your layered betrayal: there is no fault in love. The extension of compassion, enveloping another with cultured gentility was not a mistake. Your choices to compromise your own integrity cannot diminish mine. The cyclical dialogues I crafted to minimize the overwhelming love I had for you have finally quieted. I realize that in my attempt to discredit the potent adoration that I held for you, I was undermining The philosophical whimsy of compassion. Your level of deserving does not negate the sacred extension of love, my reaching toward you with genuine benevolence, no, not at all. So, today I do not hesitate to say I loved you. I loved you big time. Instead of dampering my vibrancy, this love, any love emulsifies my connection to this life. You may have been the worst, but you won’t be the last.

Chronic Illness and YOU

Guardians of Hope is not only a community-based project providing financial support to individuals with chronic illness. The GOH is a representation of our ability, our decision to take back our own power. Should we continue to be reliant upon federal agencies and even foundations for health related supports, we will continue to go without the necessary medical treatment we need. The foundational ideology of systematic healthcare as we know it, answers to the bottom line of financial gain. Because of this complex bureaucratic infrastructure, it feels insurmountable to make a significant impact. The founding principles of GOH empower each of us to support one another. It’s that simple! All of the monies raised will be awarded to the chosen recipients. There is no overhead or distribution of funds for non-human based care. By becoming a Guardian, you are voicing your commitment to humanity, to acknowledging the opportunity we all have to step up, make a difference and save lives. Yes, we are doing this! Thank you so much to everybody who has not only made a contribution, but also a declaration to take action in supporting one another so far. Only one hundred dollars left to raise until we will open the application process. Won’t you join the Guardians Community today ?

There’s No “I” in Team


We are turning “I” into “we!” The opportunity to become a member of the Guardians of Hope reaffirms our commitment to supporting our neighbor, believing in the power of cohesion and most of all, making possible the accessibility of life-saving medical care to people like me, like Aubrey Ahna @aubreys.healing.journey (Pictured) like Erin Murphy. Aubrey and Erin are two extraordinary women I am honored to have as part of the advisory committee leading Guardians of Hope. They have both encountered financial struggle with accessing medical care for chronic conditions and therefore have a personal connection to the communities we are rallying for. Let’s continue to transform “I” into “we!” Gifts of all sizes help to save lives! Please become a Guardian today with a $10 contribution. 

Click HERE to help save a life today!
Please contact me @brianabeaver1 with any questions or for more information.

The Gift that Gives

Hey ya’ll! I’m excited to share with you that Christina, a friend and artist, is teaming up with us to GIVE back to those who make a gift to the Guardians of Hope! Those who make a $30 contribution October 17 through October 31 will receive in return a one-of-a-kind metal artwork. Tailored to your desires, Christina can craft a beautiful piece just for you. Thank you so much to Christina for lending your artistry to help support individuals and families with chronic illness in receiving medical care. Click the LINK to become a Guardian of Hope!

Please include your email address in a private comment when contributing so Christina can connect with you to create your personalized artistic masterpiece.
Thank you!

If I Were a Millionaire 

I wish I were a millionaire so I could give it all away to people facing ongoing health challenges. If you’re like me, you have been struggling to save your life in more ways than one. The financial constraints of paying for healing modalities are PERVASIVE! As the former executive director of a nonprofit for children, I am well-versed in the complicated application process for grants. Nonetheless, when I became deathly ill eight years ago, my mother reached out to foundations, churches, synagogues, and other groups for support. The complicated application process and eligibility coupled with the daily crises of trying to survive made it impossible for me to find funds through any organizations. I was repeatedly turned away. Can you relate? If you have a similar story or have struggled to pay for medical care, I want to hear from you! I was fortunate to have community support through the cultivation of networking related to the nonprofit I ran and this literally saved my life for several years! Complete strangers stepped forward, offered financial support to keep me alive. So I am asking all of you out there to take action in the name of humanity! We can cohesively save lives! If you have a story to share about financial struggles related to chronic illness, please send me a message to make your voice heard! Please visit the LINK to become a guardian of hope!