Expressing sorrow, disappointment, and anger does not make somebody a negative person. The grieving process of a chronic illness is continuous and therefore, so is the overwhelming sensation of mourning. The purging of complex emotions associated with this life is NOT negative, and actually necessary to the healing process. The societal pressure to be positive is a reflection of our culture’s inability to deal with others’ suffering. To smooth over authentic and valid feelings of hurt is to provide an emotional Band-Aid for other people, not for yourself. So, whatever method each individual chooses to detox emotionally from chronic pain, isolation and devastation, should be honored and appreciated. For me, writing has and continues to provide a sense of completion for past traumas and current injustices. Whatever manifestation your voice for speaking your truths assumes, don’t be ashamed to let it scream.
An open letter to the worst man I’ve ever loved:
As many hours and weary midnights I’ve spent castigating you for your moral failings, I’ve vaporized equal ridicule for myself. How could I have loved you? Even as the calendars change and the distance between our last goodbye grows, I’ve still hated myself for loving you. Whatever crimson flags frantically fluttered from your being, I either ignored or remained unseeing to them. Here is what I have learned in the past several years of reliving the trauma of your layered betrayal: there is no fault in love. The extension of compassion, enveloping another with cultured gentility was not a mistake. Your choices to compromise your own integrity cannot diminish mine. The cyclical dialogues I crafted to minimize the overwhelming love I had for you have finally quieted. I realize that in my attempt to discredit the potent adoration that I held for you, I was undermining The philosophical whimsy of compassion. Your level of deserving does not negate the sacred extension of love, my reaching toward you with genuine benevolence, no, not at all. So, today I do not hesitate to say I loved you. I loved you big time. Instead of dampering my vibrancy, this love, any love emulsifies my connection to this life. You may have been the worst, but you won’t be the last.
Guardians of Hope is not only a community-based project providing financial support to individuals with chronic illness. The GOH is a representation of our ability, our decision to take back our own power. Should we continue to be reliant upon federal agencies and even foundations for health related supports, we will continue to go without the necessary medical treatment we need. The foundational ideology of systematic healthcare as we know it, answers to the bottom line of financial gain. Because of this complex bureaucratic infrastructure, it feels insurmountable to make a significant impact. The founding principles of GOH empower each of us to support one another. It’s that simple! All of the monies raised will be awarded to the chosen recipients. There is no overhead or distribution of funds for non-human based care. By becoming a Guardian, you are voicing your commitment to humanity, to acknowledging the opportunity we all have to step up, make a difference and save lives. Yes, we are doing this! Thank you so much to everybody who has not only made a contribution, but also a declaration to take action in supporting one another so far. Only one hundred dollars left to raise until we will open the application process. Won’t you join the Guardians Community today ?