An Open Letter to The Worst Man I’ve Loved

An open letter to the worst man I’ve ever loved:

As many hours and weary midnights I’ve spent castigating you for your moral failings, I’ve vaporized equal ridicule for myself. How could I have loved you? Even as the calendars change and the distance between our last goodbye grows, I’ve still hated myself for loving you. Whatever crimson flags frantically fluttered from your being, I either ignored or remained unseeing to them. Here is what I have learned in the past several years of reliving the trauma of your layered betrayal: there is no fault in love. The extension of compassion, enveloping another with cultured gentility was not a mistake. Your choices to compromise your own integrity cannot diminish mine. The cyclical dialogues I crafted to minimize the overwhelming love I had for you have finally quieted. I realize that in my attempt to discredit the potent adoration that I held for you, I was undermining The philosophical whimsy of compassion. Your level of deserving does not negate the sacred extension of love, my reaching toward you with genuine benevolence, no, not at all. So, today I do not hesitate to say I loved you. I loved you big time. Instead of dampering my vibrancy, this love, any love emulsifies my connection to this life. You may have been the worst, but you won’t be the last.

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Come Get Me

Plan the wedding and he will come…
After eight months of soul-searching, meditation, introspection, ego questioning, and actualizing risks in a previously uncharted manner, I’ve come to this conclusion: I’m getting married next year. As a woman who traces familial aspirations all the way back to my pigtail days, I can tell you that I’ve endured enormous heartbreak over my solitary lifestyle. Chronic, debilitating illness has need socialization virtually obsolete for me since graduating College in 2011. I’ve often subscribed to the belief of conditional romantic relationships; that I will share love and life when I am healthier. And yet, what kind of message does that symbolize? That one must achieve a certain caliber of existence in order to be worthy of love? This is rubbish. All of this is to say, that I’m ready for the big, forever, sunshine bursting from this seams kind of commitment. Come and get me. -@brianabeaver1

Chronic Illness and YOU

Guardians of Hope is not only a community-based project providing financial support to individuals with chronic illness. The GOH is a representation of our ability, our decision to take back our own power. Should we continue to be reliant upon federal agencies and even foundations for health related supports, we will continue to go without the necessary medical treatment we need. The foundational ideology of systematic healthcare as we know it, answers to the bottom line of financial gain. Because of this complex bureaucratic infrastructure, it feels insurmountable to make a significant impact. The founding principles of GOH empower each of us to support one another. It’s that simple! All of the monies raised will be awarded to the chosen recipients. There is no overhead or distribution of funds for non-human based care. By becoming a Guardian, you are voicing your commitment to humanity, to acknowledging the opportunity we all have to step up, make a difference and save lives. Yes, we are doing this! Thank you so much to everybody who has not only made a contribution, but also a declaration to take action in supporting one another so far. Only one hundred dollars left to raise until we will open the application process. Won’t you join the Guardians Community today ?

There’s No “I” in Team


We are turning “I” into “we!” The opportunity to become a member of the Guardians of Hope reaffirms our commitment to supporting our neighbor, believing in the power of cohesion and most of all, making possible the accessibility of life-saving medical care to people like me, like Aubrey Ahna @aubreys.healing.journey (Pictured) like Erin Murphy. Aubrey and Erin are two extraordinary women I am honored to have as part of the advisory committee leading Guardians of Hope. They have both encountered financial struggle with accessing medical care for chronic conditions and therefore have a personal connection to the communities we are rallying for. Let’s continue to transform “I” into “we!” Gifts of all sizes help to save lives! Please become a Guardian today with a $10 contribution. 

Click HERE to help save a life today!
Please contact me @brianabeaver1 with any questions or for more information.

The Gift that Gives

Hey ya’ll! I’m excited to share with you that Christina, a friend and artist, is teaming up with us to GIVE back to those who make a gift to the Guardians of Hope! Those who make a $30 contribution October 17 through October 31 will receive in return a one-of-a-kind metal artwork. Tailored to your desires, Christina can craft a beautiful piece just for you. Thank you so much to Christina for lending your artistry to help support individuals and families with chronic illness in receiving medical care. Click the LINK to become a Guardian of Hope!

Please include your email address in a private comment when contributing so Christina can connect with you to create your personalized artistic masterpiece.
Thank you!

If I Were a Millionaire 

I wish I were a millionaire so I could give it all away to people facing ongoing health challenges. If you’re like me, you have been struggling to save your life in more ways than one. The financial constraints of paying for healing modalities are PERVASIVE! As the former executive director of a nonprofit for children, I am well-versed in the complicated application process for grants. Nonetheless, when I became deathly ill eight years ago, my mother reached out to foundations, churches, synagogues, and other groups for support. The complicated application process and eligibility coupled with the daily crises of trying to survive made it impossible for me to find funds through any organizations. I was repeatedly turned away. Can you relate? If you have a similar story or have struggled to pay for medical care, I want to hear from you! I was fortunate to have community support through the cultivation of networking related to the nonprofit I ran and this literally saved my life for several years! Complete strangers stepped forward, offered financial support to keep me alive. So I am asking all of you out there to take action in the name of humanity! We can cohesively save lives! If you have a story to share about financial struggles related to chronic illness, please send me a message to make your voice heard! Please visit the LINK to become a guardian of hope!

Heal Thy Neighbor 


It is easy to feel immobilized in the current political climate. With access to federally funded healthcare becoming more and more limited, we have to take back our own power! The concept of community – based healthcare support may be a foreign one, but it is a way to make a difference! By making a gift of $10, $15 or five dollars, you can support your neighbor, individuals just like those pictured here, in receiving the medical care they need. Let’s take back our power, our rights, our abilities to support one another!
You can be a hero! For more information about this project please click here.